Understanding Trauma: Why It Matters More Than You Think

I’ve been a mental health therapist, off and on, since 2013. I say off and on because in 2016, my wife and I packed up our lives, closed my practice, and moved to Uganda to do mission work. She had been a schoolteacher, but she stepped away from the classroom, and at that time, we had an 18-month-old little boy. Just two weeks before leaving, we also found out she was pregnant.

That season in Uganda was transformative, but it meant I didn’t counsel for a few years. In 2018, I reopened my practice—and since then, I’ve been working nonstop.

What I didn’t expect was to end up specializing in PTSD and trauma.

When I first began counseling, I told myself: I’ll never work with trauma. It felt intimidating, heavy, and—honestly—the outcomes scared me. But no matter where I turned, I kept running into it. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t be the kind of therapist I wanted to be without learning how to help people facing PTSD and trauma.

That decision changed everything.

I researched the most evidence-based methods, got connected with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), experienced it for myself, and then became certified. And here I am today—working almost exclusively in trauma care.

What Trauma Really Means

One of the biggest misunderstandings around trauma is the assumption that every difficult experience equals trauma—or that only the “big, obvious” events count. Neither is true.

The ACE Study (Adverse Childhood Experiences), conducted by the CDC, grouped potential trauma into three categories:

• Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)

• Neglect (emotional or physical)

• Household dysfunction (violence, substance abuse, mental illness, etc.)
  
  
  

Just one of these experiences can create trauma. Multiple layers—what we call complex trauma—can have an even deeper impact.

But here’s the important part: not everyone who goes through something painful ends up with trauma symptoms. Humans are wired with resilience, and many people process difficult experiences in ways that allow them to move forward whole and healthy.

On the flip side, trauma can also show up in unexpected places. I once worked with a young woman who developed trauma responses after a minor fender bender. Nobody was hurt, the damage was minimal—but her nervous system was still hijacked by the event. The hardest part wasn’t the accident itself, but her belief that she shouldn’t be struggling. That shame became the biggest barrier to healing.

The bottom line? We shouldn’t assume trauma is always there, but we also shouldn’t dismiss it when it doesn’t fit the stereotype. Curiosity and compassion are the keys.

The Cost of Untreated Trauma

Why does this matter so much? Because the ripple effects of untreated trauma are staggering. Statistics show that people who have experienced trauma are:

• 15x more likely to attempt suicide

• 4x more likely to become alcoholic

• 4x more likely to inject drugs

• 3x more likely to experience depression

• 25x more likely to smoke
  
  

And the list goes on.

Most adults have experienced at least one traumatic event in their lifetime. For children, one in five live in poverty (which can itself be traumatic), one in five women have experienced sexual assault or dating violence, and one in 13 men report childhood sexual abuse. These numbers aren’t marginal—they’re everywhere.

The Bear in the Woods

When I work with clients, I often use a metaphor: the bear in the woods.

Imagine you’re on a peaceful hike with someone you care about. You’re calm, connected, maybe even having a deep conversation. In that moment, your body is in its parasympathetic nervous system—resting, digesting, connecting.

But suddenly, a bear charges out of the trees. In less than a second, your brain flips into survival mode. Adrenaline floods your system. Your heart rate spikes. Your digestion shuts down (hence the “butterflies” we feel under stress). Your ability to connect, empathize, or even hear someone else disappears—because none of that will save you from the bear.

This fight-or-flight response is incredible for survival. We are literally the descendants of the best nervous systems nature has ever produced. But the same survival wiring that protects us from bears can wreak havoc when it misfires in everyday life.

That’s the essence of PTSD: the bear shows up where there is no bear.

Moving Forward with Hope

Trauma is real. Trauma is life-altering. Trauma hijacks everything.

But trauma doesn’t have to be the end of the story. Healing is possible, and approaches like EMDR and other evidence-based therapies give us ways to process and release what once felt unbearable.

If you take nothing else from this, take this: don’t minimize your pain, and don’t assume trauma only comes from the “big” things. Healing begins when we approach ourselves—and others—with curiosity and compassion.

And if you’re facing your own “bear in the woods,” know this: there is hope, and you don’t have to face it alone.